


another day of nothing

by raykay



Series: call me a mess [2]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival ALL STARS (Video Game), ラブライブ! 虹ヶ咲学園スクールアイドル同好会 | Love Live! Nijigasaki Gakuen School Idol Doukoukai (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Friends, F/F, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Maybe - Freeform, NOT unrequited, Pining, Self Loathing, a little more intense than the first, apologies ?, bc they r unaware of everything, high school sadness, jk no meaningful apologies, just kind of blind to their feelings, they all get closer, thinking things are unrequited, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28029798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raykay/pseuds/raykay
Summary: clinging to memories won't change the present time. you need to do that yourself.
Relationships: Nakasu Kasumi/Ousaka Shizuku - Mentioned, Takasaki Yuu/Uehara Ayumu, Takasaki Yuu/Uehara Ayumu/Yuuki Setsuna, Takasaki Yuu/Yuuki Setsuna, Uehara Ayumu/Yuuki Setsuna
Series: call me a mess [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053107
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	another day of nothing

**Author's Note:**

> i !! WOW ! the second year jealousy thing is messing w me sm ? haven't we seen this before ? it's so LKHDKLJLAKJD. ai sings love triangle while ayumu gets jealous over setsuyuu ngl. however, i really feel like part of the envy just comes from ayumu thinking setsuna is so great herself ? i literally cannot explain it but like. PLEASE !  
> im def trying not to keep this similar to the anime in some regards, it's fun to play with potential ideas and take less anger and more of a :( approach. time to go finish the newest ep. tehe  
> alsooo i think ! i think i'm gonna make this a lil series and the next part may be from setsu's pov. or more setsu focused. i just ! have ideas. alsoalso. i'm sorry for doing this as a series rather than chapters, i think i just really dislike the chapters function bc it makes me feel obligated to feel a quota. however, when i finish this series i will post a condensed version in a single work (to act as an easier to navigate set of this series) if people would like !!

Maybe she should have said something. No, she _knew_ she should have said something. Ayumu had been presented the perfect opportunity, but nothing had come from it. Because she was too cowardly to risk something so great. What would Yuu think? Ayumu saw how she looked at Setsuna, it was the same way she looked at Yuu. It wasn't the same, but it also was. It wasn't the same only because Ayumu wasn't certain she could live with knowing that Yuu didn't feel that way about her. Her heart seemed to be only for Setsuna. Something about that stung. 

When they'd made other friends, it had never been like this. Yuu would always accept Ayumu into her space. She wouldn't abandon Ayumu, but now it felt like she was. Which was foolish. Ayumu couldn't be certain that was happening at all. All that had happened was Yuu seemed to spend more time with Setsuna, she would look at her in a way Ayumu knew wasn't platonic. Setsuna couldn't even be herself. She had to hide behind an identity. Surely she could at least try to be a real idol. Not someone who hid behind an alias and panicked whenever people would mention her idol self. Ayumu had gotten past that, not needing to hide behind any gimmicks or fake names. Setsuna was weak in that regard. Yet Yuu still thought she was the greatest idol ever. Moreover, she thought that Setsuna was the best person ever. How could she not?  
The worst part of it all was beneath all her envy and self loathing, Ayumu agreed. Something in her viewed Setsuna in the same way Yuu did, but also as her rival. Not even an idol rival, but a rival for Yuu's love. If she could have it all she would take it. But she couldn't. Ayumu was no fool. Walking up the steps towards the club room, she tried not to think about how she would see both Yuu and Setsuna. She would see everyone. That was good! Everyone being there meant that there was no uncomfortable separation. She would just try not to talk to them. Talking to the others was no chore, she loved hearing about Kasumi's antics, either from the short girl herself or Shizuku. Or maybe she would listen to Ai talk about what she and Rina had done over the weekend. Ai was always talking about playing laser tag with Rina. Ayumu remembered when she and Yuu had accompanied them. Why couldn't they do that again? It had almost felt like a double date, as embarrassing as the thought was to have now. It hadn't been anything more than friends hanging out at an arcade after classes.  
"Ayumu!" The girl was jolted from her thoughts by non other than Setsuna. _Great./i > "It's good to see you. Ready for practice today?"  
"Yeah," that was what she planned to leave it out. "But are you sure we should practice outside today?" Here came the contrarian in her. Heavy grey clouds had been hanging in the sky all day. It would be easy to say outdoor practice was uncertain with the looming threat of rain. Ayumu wanted it to rain just so practice could be shortened. "It might rain. Don't want anyone catching a cold."  
Setsuna had paused, tilting her head to the side in thought. Her dark hair was shining under the artificial fluorescent light of the club room. It was just them. Her grey eyes widened as she came to her conclusion. She looked so thoughtful. Ayumu knew she was smart, but she always seemed to dumb herself down when she was _'Setsuna' _. Nana seemed much smarter than her idol alter ego. "You're right! Can't have anyone catching a cold. Maybe we'll just do vocals today. I might go and get a head start." She grinned over at the other. "I want to get the equipment warmed up for everyone. You know?"  
She did know. There was Setsuna's passion for being an idol. It didn't even seem competitive in the moment. She simply enjoyed being an idol. The passion Yuu admired so much, Ayumu saw it. She could never be anything like Setsuna. Her passion, her confidence, even her idiocy. It was all something she couldn't replicate. No one could. Setsuna Yuki was an anomaly. Something that Ayumu could never be. Ayumu was such a plain, boring girl. No one could love a girl like her. She could maybe be a cute idol, but in the dorky, dumb way. The cliche, clad in pink singing girl. The obligatory girl next door that people would like until they found someone with passion like Setsuna. Ayumu was destined to be everyone's second choice. Second was a little generous even. Everyone else in the club offered something that Ayumu just couldn't give. She was nothing compared to them. Any of them. But especially Setsuna.  
"Ayumu?" Setsuna had leaned closer. They were so close. _Too close._ Ayumu knew she should be uncomfortable by their closeness, but she didn't hate it. It was almost comforting. Despite the frustration she felt towards the girl, she couldn't bring herself to push her away. "Are you okay? You kinda zoned out there."  
A nervous giggle left Ayumu's lips. "Of course! Just thought about practicing. I've been thinking of these words for this new song." The smile plastered on her face was less than genuine, but she wanted to pretend that it was something of substance. "I've been thinking of them all day! So it's been hard to focus on much, sorry!"  
Setsuna looked surprised at the news, but she grasped the other's hands in her own. "Really? That's wonderful! Are you going to try singing them today? I know that it's a sudden ask, but I would love to hear the words and give some feedback. It can always help to bounce your ideas off of someone. And of course as your rival I need to prepare something that I would perform in response." She laughed, the last sentence clearly being teasing. "Didn't I sound like Kasumi there? I think I totally nailed that impression."  
Ayumu was surprised to hear a lot of that. It wasn't what she expected. She wanted to say asking about her impression made her sound more like Ai, but she didn't. Instead she just blushed, gently pulling her hands away. Setsuna's hands were so warm. She was about to verbalize something, but was interrupted when the club room's door burst open.___

___"Hey! Who was talking about Kasumin in here?" Kasumi had burst into the room with a grin on her face. "I hope they were singing my praises, as everyone should. After all, I need motivation to keep being the cutest idol in the world."_  
Shizuku trailed in after the other, "Oh Kasumi..." She stopped when she saw the others, smiling. "Hello! Did you see it's started to rain?"  
Sure enough, a glance out the window would show that rain had slowly started to fall from the sky. Setsuna just nodded, smiling. "Not to worry. Me and Ayumu decided we could practice vocals indoors. Right Ayu?"  
The pink haired girl jumped in surprise, having returned to being lost in her own thoughts. "Oh, yeah. Setsuna said she was going to go and warm up the equipment but we got talking." _Right._ At least this way they all got an equal chance. Though Ayumu wouldn't care nearly as much if Shizuku or Kasumi went to check on the equipment.  
"Well, why don't you two wait in here for everyone. Me and Shizuko can go and set things up in the sound room." Kasumi pointed to herself as she spoke. Ayumu found herself nodding, but before anyone else could even say anything Kasumi had grabbed Shizuku's hand and pulled her from the room. Once more it was just Setsuna and Ayumu. It was frustrating, being stuck with someone who made her feel so full and empty at the same time. Ayumu did like Setsuna. She could feel it in the pit of her stomach, she had strong feelings for the other girl. But she also envied her, as she was everything Ayumu felt she never could be. The girl's pale green eyes focused on the girl standing across from her. "You never told me," Setsuna smiled. "Can I hear the words you're working on?"__

__  
"The... The words?" Ayumu blinked in silent confusion. Words? Oh. The song she had lied about. The thing that had pulled her focus away. It was truly her envy of Setsuna, not a song. "I can't tell anyone yet. Would you tell other people about your works before you're ready?"  
Setsuna paused. "You're right." She said, "That's smart Ayumu! I can't wait to hear everything when you're done."  
Ayumu blanched for a moment, and then felt color rise to her face. What a bad liar. "Thanks!" She said before turning to leave. "I don't think I can come to practice today." Setsuna looked puzzled, but before she could speak the other had already pushed past her lightly. "I just forgot I have a meeting to go to! It's important. Good luck with practice today!" Many of the other girls had headed straight to the studio, as Kasumi had sent out a text saying that was where they would be, per Shizuku's request._ _

__Walking down the hallway, Ayumu could feel herself beginning to grow sadder and sadder. Why couldn't she be like Setsuna? Someone who seemed so good. Someone who didn't seem like she held unnecessary grudges. It wasn't Setsuna's fault if both Yuu and now Ayumu favored her. And it wasn't her fault if she liked Yuu. Ayumu didn't like the growing admiration she had for Setsuna. While she didn't want to hate the other, it made her feel so confused. How could she feel this strongly towards them both? Moreover, how could she feel that strongly for them both but still feel so angry when it came to being around Setsuna? They were incomparable.  
Setsuna was like a beacon that all idol lovers could look towards. Outside of that she was kind and confident and friendly. What was Ayumu? Awkward, shy, useless. She had made her way down the hallway towards the bathroom, not even seeing Yuu still walking towards the club room. Maybe it was better Ayumu hadn't seen her friend. But Yuu had definitely seen her._ _

__Locking herself in a bathroom stall, Ayumu sat on the toilet with her knees pulled up to her chest. That was when the tears started to flow. Any and every thought echoed around her head. She wasn't good enough for Yuu. She wasn't good enough for Setsuna. Why did she even like Setsuna? Why couldn't she and Yuu be each other's one and only as they had said they would be so many years ago. Yuu said she would never leave Ayumu, and while maybe she hadn't left her completely, she felt like she was being left in the dust. While Setsuna and Yuu ran off, leaving her behind.  
Pressing her hands to the sides of her face, Ayumu tried to brush off the tears. Everything hurt. Her heart hurt so badly. "I- I just..." She didn't want to _say_ anything. However, everything just felt so... So hard. She didn't want to force Yuu into anything, if she was happy with Setsuna that was fine. But why did it have to hurt so bad? Being someone's second choice stung. It made her want to get up and just run away from anyone around her. Someone didn't like her? Fine. It wasn't ideal, but fine. Yuu though, it felt like being hit by a car. Like falling off a building. Like every bad thing ever. Being unloved by Yuu felt like the epitome of uselessness. Ayumu couldn't be sure that Yuu didn't care for her, but it just felt hard because of how she looked at Setsuna. The worst part was that Setsuna didn't give Yuu the same look. Setsuna looked at everyone the same, yet she just seemed closer to Yuu than Ayumu could ever be. What did their history mean to Yuu, nothing? It hurt. It hurt so bad._ _

__Standing, Ayumu pushed the tears away from her face and opened the stall, just as the bathroom door opened.  
It as Yuu. It had to be her. Yuu was here to comfort her, as she always had in the past. Ayumu had allowed her hopes to get up._ _

__That was her mistake._ _

___Setsuna walked through the door, stunned to see a puffy eyed Ayumu. "Ayumu?"_  
No. _No, no, no._ It wasn't supposed to happen like this. It was supposed to be Yuu coming here to her. Yet Ayumu felt herself fall apart all the same when Setsuna's arms looped around her. Yuu or not, she needed to cry. If the short girl hugging her was going to offer that comfort, then she would simply have to accept it. Who's to say that Setsuna wasn't just a comforting?  
"I'm sorry," Setsuna mumbled. "Had a hard day?" She had reached up, gently brushing Ayumu's bangs out of her face. The girl had moved to hide her face in Setsuna's shoulder. All she did was nod. "It's okay," she murmured. "You can take your time Ayu." _Ayu._ It was comforting, regardless of it coming from Setsuna. The very person who had made her feel this way was making all those feelings melt away in mere seconds. "Practice can be hard sometimes. Especially on top of a rough day." It wasn't what this was. Setsuna would never understand what this was. But that didn't mean that Ayumu wouldn't accept her warm touch. It was calming. It was reassuring. Even if it wasn't Yuu. 

**Author's Note:**

> yeah inevitable part three bc ayumu is coming to terms with Feelings <33


End file.
